A Glimpse of Me

Dear Samantha,

You can finally sit up… from lying down position. You can sit while holding your toys with both of your hands for a long time. The only thing is: sometimes, you love to fall back on your back… and hit your head on the floor. You did this a few times and I get worried about you hitting your head on the floor. So I have to watch yo all the time and put the pillow behind your back everytime you sit… That means, you’re keeping mommy busier these days.

Also, you know how to look for mommy already. I would put you down on the floor in your play area and go to the kitchen… you would crawl/creep youself until you find me in the kitchen. You are very determined indeed!

Yesterday morning, when Daddy and Mommy were having breakfast, you looked at mommy like you were starving like crazy. So I gave you a little bit of bread… and you liked it! I kept giving you and you actually finished the one slice of wholemeal bread (except the sides). Hmmm… love feeding you girl.

You’re very curios now. Wanna touch everything you see… and you like the sound of Hi-5 song that Kuya is watching on TV. So now, your list include: Barney and Hi-5. What’s next?
Your favorite book: On The Farm (A Sparkle Board Book). You like touching the sparkling thing on every page. And you like it when mommy makes all the different animal sounds.

Okay girl… you’re having an afternoon nap now, that’s why mommy has time to write about this. Nap well!

We’re all like clouds, that move across the sky… we change forms right right before our very own eyes… jmc

I was reminded of this song when I was cloud gazing on the way to Damai Laut for our family holiday.

I have indeed changed. I’ve been to a few places. My father was in the army so we had to move places from time to time. A few years here… a few years there.

When I graduated from college, I thought I could be stable… staying where I was, working… making my own family in a stable place.

But God took me some where else… and when I thought I was home, He took me again to some other place.

I met people along the way… some had impacted my life… some had left marks… some had wounded me… got healed… but there are scars that are still obvious til now.

Life’s a constant change… we take one step forward and unknowingly, that simple step has taken us to a million miles. .. taken us to places…That simple step has changed us, moulded us, prodded us forward even more.

Good thing He was there. And He’s still here… to guide me… to speak to me when I think nobody’s around to talk to… encourages me when I think everything seems hopeless and I am feeling really helpless… walks with me when i think i am alone trodding my path… guides me… and constantly molding me into something that can be used… that can be a vessel. and if He thinks I’m not fit for a certain mold, He’d break me… again and again… to form a new one… more beautiful… more fit. I am changing… to the sole purpose of His glory… changing.. and yet the same. Same plans… same purposes… same meaning… same janet… and yet… inwardly… outwardly… He keeps molding me… sometimes it hursts especially when he softens the rough spots, sometimes it feels wonderful when the smooth surface shines…

Thank God… that through this journey of constant change.. He’s there… always the same… never changing… never leaving… never stopped loving.

I am in His hands… and I pray I’ll always be… until one day… that special day when He comes again… and bring me to His place… and will say in my presence… that I don’t need to change… I don’t need any more breaking…coz in His grace and in His love, He has prefected me. At last!

Hey girl,

You have started babbling!!! Hurray!!! I was worried for awhile. Anyways, you don’t babble much.. but at least you do. Go girl, go!

Also, you’re more mobile now. I put you inside the fence -play area… but you came out of it.. creeped/crawled and played outside your pen. Anyways, you have such a strong determination to do things.

And yeah, you have started joining the club, too… meaning sleeping on the “big bed.” You started when you’re crying in the middle of the night and I was too sleepy to sit up to feed so… i just lied down and feed you until you went back to sleep. After that, you refused to be put in the cot already. Hmmm… you started early lah. Last time your Kuya started joing the “big bed” when he was 9 months old already. but hey… you’re different.

We’re going for a 4d/3n holiday soon… at swiss garden in damai laut. It’s gonna be your second holiday destination. The first were in Penang and Hatyai. We were going to Hatyai for a holiday (for mommy and kids it was a holiday - but work for Daddy) actually… but stayed over night in Penang just to rest.

We’ll take lots of photos so you’ll have something to see when you grow up… yeah? Okay girl, good night. Sleep well…for tomorrow will be another exciting day!

(I forgot… you’ve been to Genting Highlands twice for 3/2n trip. So Damai Laut would be your 4th holiday destination.)

Dear Schenker,

Last night when you’re talking to daddy (I just overheared it)… you said you wanna be a doctor when you grow up. I stopped whatever I was doing and asked you again… making sure I was hearing it right. And once again, you said the same thing. Then I asked you what the doctor does… and you said, to check mommy… hehehe. that was neat… you wanna be a doctor so you can do mommy’s check up.

That means daddy must work harder… and mommy must pray harder. Hahaha. I think praying is more powerful than working hard… what do you think? Hmmm… on the other hand… if you just pray and you don’t do anything.. it’s useless also. So… both are equally important. We work hard and pray hard… and God will surely answer our prayers and make us fruitful in what we do. Maybe, I should say like this instead: Daddy and Mommy will have to work and pray hard… so we can send you to medical school. Voila! I finally made it right.

You actually bumped your face on the table. Had to put something cold on it. But you also hate that. I did a little bit only. When you woke up this morning, I saw a blue-black mark on your face. Sorry boy. I should have taken that stupid box away from you, knowing it’s dangerous to play .. or rather dangerous to use it as a chair. Sometime, I can’t help but let you play with all those things coz you use it for pretend play… like the cover of that box… you said you wanna take a motorbike ride.. and you used it and said: look mommy, this is my motorbike! and the box itself.. you said it’s your chair. Sigh. Anyways… you also lear from this kind of experience. Painful experience though… but sometimes it’s worth it so you’d know.

Okay boy, I hope the mark will go off soon. really feeling sorry for you.

love you!

I subscribed to this devotions for women… So I get a daily dose of encouragement…and it really helps me through the day.
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Today’s verse:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

God’s plan is the expression of His love. Never in our lives will God ever express His plan except as an expression of His perfect love. God always has our best interests at heart. He’ll take any situation a person is going through, even if it is a terrible one, and will use it for a good, overall purpose in one’s life.
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It’s good to be reminded once again about His purposes and plans. There are certain times that we forget about it… like when we’re at our busiest, lowest, highest or in whatever situation that keeps us away from remembering His purposes in our lives.

Hmmm… got me to thinking… what really is His purposes for me? What are His plans? Sometimes, when I take a look at myself… busy with the kids, with all the housework in mind… and not forgetting that my husband would be coming home soon and i haven’t cooked dinner yet… i get to thinking… Do I exist just because of them kids? Do I exist just to do housework and just be a wife?… a tag along during grocery shopping time? When all these come to my mind… and when there’s no reassurance, I feel really down… and feel like I’m running around like a headless chicken… no direction, no goal.

But God, in His awesome faithfulness, reminds me… over and over again… like today…that… He has a purpose for me… plans… to give me life and a hope… His purpose that I would mother my kids. I have two great kids… imagine God giving me the chance to raise two future great people for the Lord! Imagine being a wife to a “great man” in the Lord!!! … Imagine keeping a house where “great people” of the Lord come for rest, comfort and prayer!

Suddenly LIFE comes back to me… with hope, with meaning, with a purpose… to be a blessing to my kids, to my husband, friends, and nations! Isn’t that awesome?

Thank you God for getting me excited again… thank you God for bringing me back to you. Thank you for today’s encouragement. Looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow, Lord. Good night!